Jesus. Finally.

Mathew 1-4

You will only hear once about a virgin woman who mysteriously develops a fertile sack with not even a mention of sex.

Yes. It happened.

I know. Who would even want a child having not even experienced the comfort of what we call “sex”?

I wouldn’t know.

I can just imagine.

Thinking about this does not make me a pervert.

Well.

As it happens, that one time was with Mary somehow acquiring baby Jesus in her insides and Joseph thinking that his “virgin”, holy wife was anything but.

But Joseph dreamt with an angel of God which made it clear it was purely God’s son, and he should have no worries about staying with Mary. In other words, “Stay with Mary so that she doesn’t look like a two-way tramp, and keep up the bravado so that Jesus, and he will be named Jesus, is born in a normal, loving family.”

You can tell God’s angels always get what they want.

Then comes the fact that Jesus’ presence is spread by Magi, whose real identity I never really know. Is he a priest, a prophet, a random holy man?

I feel so ignorant questioning identities from the Bible that should probably be common knowledge for other people.

So King Herod hears about this kid that everyone is waiting to worship, and well, you can somehow understand his antagonism towards this little being that obviously receives more worship as a baby than Herod has probably received in his whole life.

So he sets out to have Magi bring Jesus to him, but Magi had been warned by a dream, and after seeing the child and worshipping him, they instead leave to Egypt, where Jesus will soon go, after Joseph is ordered again by some other angel.

That’s when Herod sets to having every baby within the age of two within a close vicinity to be brutishly murdered, in sincere hoping that one of them would be Jesus.

Fail.

The comes John the Baptist, which you can intelligently infer to be a Baptist.
Go me.

He was a very popular person:

“People went out to him from Jerusalem
And all Judea and the whole region of Jordan.
Confessing their sins, they were baptized by him
In the Jordan River.”

And so Jesus came to be baptized by him, but he was like, “Are you kidding me? You’re freaking God’s son. If anything, you should be the one pouring holiness onto my hopelessly-drenched hair.”

Not in those words, exactly, but the meaning is a given.

But for some reason, Jesus declines and says it has to be the other way around, so John ends up following his everyday duties and baptizes God’s son.

Now, finally comes the Devil in all his evil glory. He tempts Jesus, after having not eaten for forty days straight, to turn stones into bread. He takes Jesus up to a very high mountain, showed him all the kingdoms, and said that if Jesus worshiped him, he could have it all. He took him to the highest point of the temple and said,

“If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down, for it is written:

“ ‘He will command his angels concerning you,
And they will lift you up in their hands,
So that you will not strike your foot against stone.”

Well guess what?

Jesus is not stupid.

And I mean, can someone seriously be stupid if he has the ability to “cure diseases, those demon-possessed, those having seizures, and the paralyzed”?

No.

Have you ever known someone with that amazing ability to cure, and the righteousness of a never-sinning life?

No, because no one is perfect.

No one except Jesus.